Visita Iglesia
This Maundy Thursday I hope to finish my first ever Visita Iglesia with the following churches in my itinerary:
National Shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes
Sta. Teresita
UST
Our Lady of Loreto*
San Sebastian
San Beda**
St Jude Thaddeus
San Miguel
St Vincent de Paul
Ermita Catholic Church
Manila Cathedral
San Agustin
Sta Cruz
Quiapo
*Together with St. Anthony de Padua
** I am not actually sure if they allow visitors as I usually see their gate closed
I have long been wanting to do this but for some reason I always find a reason to postpone it but with all the blessings I've received and my own need to do some soul-searching I promised myself that I will complete this tomorrow. If anyone of you wants to join me just give inform me. I'll start quite early tomorrow. maybe around 6 to 7 am in the morning.
Have a prayerful Lenten break everyone!
Again
I spent last night up until the wee hours of morning so that I'd have a chance to talk to Tere who's quarter-way around the world (she's in Austria which is at GMT + 2) and just to at least catch a glimpse of her to sustain me for the next few days. She's there right now representing the UP College of Law in the Wilhem C. Vis International Private Law Moot Court and I do hope that all who reads this pray for her and her team.
But that is actually not the main topic of this post (tere, forgive me but I have to vent this out). While I was actually talking to tere I was again at my multi-tasking self. I was updating my phone's software, talking to tere, browsing through some long forgotten files in my external hd and of course surfing the net. And I don't know what brought me to it but I went to Friendster just to check it out (yep my friends, it is still alive!) and I was surprised to see a friend commenting on another friend's photo. The photo had two of my friends eating something in the beach and boy was i surprised. These were the ones I supposedly called my close friends and none of them had the gall to invite me to this beach outing. With my rationalising self I came out with possible explanations and of course I gave all of them the benefit of the doubt but in spite of it, what pains me the most is that this is I realised that this is actually not the first time that it has happened. We've been friends for 12 or more years yet it appears that we were only close during the four years that we were together. And when we stepped into college it was as if I was slowly eased out of their lives. Again, I can blame all of this on myself by being busy with a lot of stuff but now in retrospect how can I say that I'm busy to them when they haven't asked me if I was available in the first place?
And I guess that's the harsh reality of life. When people don't need you anymore or when they determine that you're not fun to be with or when they simply forget about you then you are nothing but a mere name in their phonebooks, in their email address list only to be remembered when they need it or to be recalled when you need them.
I wrote a post with the feelings eerily similar to this one but with a very different context and I never thought that I would be mentioning these poeple in the same breadth, people I truly cherished as friends. But there are times that the best thing to do is to shut up and let it be. Words need not to be spoken as I am not closing my doors to them but now I know who's who.
2 sets of friends, 2 different years yet the same feeling again. I don't know if its simply me or its because i get to be on the losing side of the bargain mroe often than I wished. These are the times that I doubt my own self and how I am as a friend to others. Do i just simply leave people that I care for, or is it they that leave me? Or is it simply because I get peeved at the small things?
Some may say that this is petty, that I can still expect these people to be there when I need them but for me the reality is that it is not. Friends will be there for the big stuff. Yes, some people will leave you when you need them and it is your true friends that stay but I believe it is the closest friends that pay attention to the small things. The world is large enough for people who care, but close friends can only be limited for those who you believe truly love you.
I know I have a lot of friends and acquaintances that I can always turn to but then again I used to say that I can count my closest friends, the people who I was not afraid to share with nor be afraid to be who i really am and be judged for it using two hands, now its down to one. There have been attempts to increase them but due to various reasons it just doesn't work out.
So for anyone who gets to read this (and labors through all of my venting) cherish the friends who you really are close with and who you value for it is the small actions that we do that will have the most impact in their lives. Be careful with who you choose to trust and to believe in as a true close friend, for after all it is a committment, a relationship that is nurturing and heart-warming
I recall a quote saying that the best conversation with a friend is just by being beside each other and in the silence you understand. These are for friends but for the true close friends we consider It is not enough you were simply there for him or her because in that special instance, it is not the big stuff that you share - the monumental problem, the wailing of a lost love, the success you experienced which makes a friend a close true friend, but instead as a close true friend, because of all the small details that you have shared together you know what to say and do right after that silent moment. That is the magic of friendship. Knowing that whatever happens someone will be there who'll lift your spirts up or help you soar even higher.
Friends are the ones who know who you really are, from the problems to the successes. Who does not judge, who does not forget, who pays attention to the little details that make you who you are and who simply loves.
My challenge to you know during the lenten break is to actually think of who you'll trust to be your true close friend. And by labeling them as such make sure that you pay attention to them and show them the love that they deserve.
As for me, I may have true close friends numbering less and less than I initially thought I had but in the end you don't need a lot, you just need a few who truly loves you.
Silence
I am silence, and silence is me.
No loud noises, no maelstrom of feelings unperturbed by the onslaught of emotions welling inside.
I am silence and silence is me
When I reach out to grasp the infinite prism of nothingness, surprisingly that nothingness itself stops me
I am silence and silence is me
Because amidst the presence of all the discord in this world there is nothing more peaceful, nothing as serenely perfect as the silence i have
the silence that i have when it rests contently with yours.
You are my silence and my silence is you
***
As you are my love and I am yours. I love you be!
Renewing phones
I renewed my Sun line today so that I can get hold of at least a new phone (my plan is the group plan 899 so I'm entitled to two). Renewing was just as breeze as I just had to give a valid ID, sign some documents, choose the phones and voila, I have two new handsets. We were to choose from one handset from plan 600 and another from plan 350 so Tere immediately chose the Samsung J500 while I chose the Nokia 2680 slide (yep, both are slide-phones, perhaps the in-thing in phone designs these days). Now you maybe wondering why I'm choosing to blog about this when I rarely do blog and more often than not they relate to more serious matter. Well the reason simply being is the fact that out of the two phones that I got out of renewing with Sun for another 30 months, I ended up not owning any one of them.
As obviously stated earlier the Samsung J500 went to Tere so by now you maybe wondering where the Nokia phone went. Well even before I renewed for the line I definitely knew where It will go through. Because as much as I'd love a new phone to replace my poor looking Motorola Razr Vi (plus add to the fact that I just got a new phone about three months ago to replace my p990 which got ran over by a speeding fortuner) I knew that there was one person who'd really appreciate it more. I think it has been two years as well since she got a new phone and I believe it was high time that I start paying off all the things she has given me from the very start.
And so as they both got home earlier I hid the phone in my hand, welcomed them and told my mom while suppressing my giddiness, "my, baka gusto nyo po ng bagong phone" my mom's eyes lit up. And even though she has a hard time understanding the new technologies of today and the intricacies of intelligent phones, it was very evident that she wanted it. Even exclaiming "madali lang ba gamitin to? yaan mo na aaralin ko na lang". She really wanted it. And then she told me "umaasa lang ako sa bibigay mo e, alam mo namang ayoko nang bumibili-bili pa". That's my mom, never wanting any more than necessary for herself just as she did so for the past 27 plus years that she has been taking care of me and kuya. Always us first. So I thoght that this gesture, even it may be small to some (or even worthless for others), can at least show my love to her.
And if by that small gesture I can feel her happiness, I myself am a happy son as well. For I know that it is through those small gestures I can repay the love they have given me all of my life.
Maybe its time you renewed as well, not necessarily including phone lines, but it should be a renewal of your love to your parents. Watchatink?
p.s.
Love you mom and dad!
A series of unfortunate events...
I must say the past few days have not been the most pleasant for me.
Last saturday, after filling up my car in a Shell Station (but of course) in Q. Ave I went directly home only to realize upon my arrival that my credit card was nowhere to be found. So I had to rush back to that particular station and ask the gasoline attendant boy if I left it and his immediate reply was "sir wala po dito". I then immediately went to the select station (since I bought a ferarri key chain) and asked the lady over the counter and again she told me it was not there. I was quite getting panicked already when I went back to my car to search for it again. When I was about to call Citibank to reRport my lost card, the gasoline attendant suddenly comes to me and says "sir nandun pala sa may hanginan, nalaglag siguro" whew! boy was i relieved. So i thanked him and went home to call Citibank just to check if indeed the card wasn't used while it was "lying around" and luckily it wasn't used.
And then yesterday I was about to go to UP to jog but I had severe headaches in the afternoon. I was forced to go home earler than usual and take a rest.
And just this afternoon after finally pushing through with my jog (together with Walter and Tess), we were crossing the road in a quick jog in order to avoid the oncoming traffic when I realized my p990 fell from my belt bag. I was frozen in the sidewalk just staring at it when the first two cars were able to swerve past it but suddenly a fortuner ran over it and my hopes of it surviving that ordeal was crushed. I got my phone after a few more cars went past it (it was really only the Fortuner who was fortunate enough to run over it) and to my dismay all it displayed was a blank white screen and a crack could be seen on its lcd. The phone was still functioning as I was still able to call some people and play some of the music but the display was really broken already.
So there, three days, three weird, unfortunate stuff happening, but amidst all of them I see lessons to be learned.
1.) Go fill up somewhere near your place so that you can return to it ASAP just in case you leave something.
2.) Fill up at Shell stations. Look how honest the personnel are! (I really want to commend the people there)
3.) When your head's aching, its your mind's way of telling you to slow down, so you really better do
4.) Value your life above your personal possesions. Heck, I could have easily gotten that phone had I wanted to and you woud probably be sending me get-well-soon messages now.
5.) Get a Sony Ericsson phone. Look how tough they are. More than once it fell from my hand and nothing happened, and now, a car ran over it and it still works (though no more screen). That's what you call tough!
6.) Lastly, don't dwell on the bad things but always try to look at the positive side. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.
So do take care of yourselves and always remember to smile! =)
Two Years Worth of Reflection.
It has been two years since I stepped on the hard court. Two years since I last dribbled a ball in the concrete floor savoring the its grip as I dictated where I wanted it to bounce off and into which direction. Of running to and from our own basket following the whims of a crazy ball which was dictated by the player handling it. I thought I had lost the feeling and the emotion that came with gripping the ball and passing it on the next player or the silent satisfaction of seeing your shot going through the net.
I had reservations stepping into that floor. I left it a different man from who I am now, a few pounds lighter with a stamina that I had long since forgotten. I was there on the sidelines thinking that if I came into the game I'd definitely tire out easily and be the whopping ass and the laughing stock of the teams. I thought I had forgotten how to play but as soon as I dribbled that ball in play again after two years I realized that it was not that I forgot how to play, I just forgot to have fun in a game. For two years I slaved away in front of a screen typing in numbers and interpreting them. I was making a living, but I was not living.
Basketball reminded me that life is too short to waste on trivial things. As I started gasping for air after just a few minutes, I realized that I was selling myself short. I loved running, i loved basketball and i loved the camaraderie involved in playing a team game - and yet I was "deprioritising" all of them. Maybe the shortness of breath coupled with the mad endorphin rush I suddenly got was a gentle reminder that life is too short not to be enjoyed.
I am madly in love with a beautiful lady, I have a great family, I have a great (albeit, very tiring) job. Maybe now its just about right that I indulge myself once in a while.
And basketball might just be the answer. Let's play ball!
An ode to Oakley*
It is 3:56 pm and instead of spending the afternoon studying for a certification that I paid for handsomely just to get the chance to take the exam for, here I am just typing aimlessly at my keyboard trying to put into words the thoughts that have been forming from my head ever since I came back from my trips.
In a span of about a month I traveled to two countries, Malaysia and Singapore, seemingly alike yet, different in many ways as well, where I stumbled upon old friends and started asking old questions.
I remember dreaming of becoming successful in the future. Of being able to buy anything I want, of being able to provide for my family in every way imaginable. Yet I also remember being content eating at small eateries or fast food stores, of buying simple clothes and being satisfied with things that are not flashy but gets the job done. But I also remember the feeling of wanting to buy the coolest techie phone out in the market, or getting expensive shirts or shoes or watches, of always wanting something better. And as I recalled the memories, the thought of what If I don't make it or what If I don't reach my goal suddenly terrified me.
I met up with some of my friends in Singapore and I can't help but admire them. By their bravery in facing the challenge of living away from their loved ones and also by their ability to earn income that I could only dream of now. One friend says he just wants to save enough so that he can just "retire" comfortably in the Philippines in the near future while one says that he's there to enjoy his freedom, both financially and emotionally. Steadily they are getting there while here I am...
I do earn more than enough (or so I believe) but there are times when I want to spend on something but then I realize that I can't since spending for that would mean that I have to give up part of my savings (of which, I surprisingly still have little of) or give up an allocation of my budget. Yet when I do occasionally splurge I usually end up getting the worst bargains, the most useless trinkets or the least-needed item amongst a long list. I can't help but feel appalled and saddened when the euphoria of a new buy has settled in. Always exclaiming to myself: "I spent so much sh*t for that!?"
And that becomes my metaphor for my life right now. I spend long hours at the office trying hard to work diligently in order to justify my boss' trust in me so that I can have enough money to buy the things I want and prepare for the future that I dream of. And yet, I fear that after all of these, I look back and say, "I spent so much sh*t for that?!"
I'm suddenly unsure what I want and consequently what it entails. I am afraid for a lot of other things yet perhaps the thing that I am most afraid of is realizing that everything that I did was all for naught and that I end up a failure in my own right while my contemporaries are enjoying their lives.
But beneath all of these, what brings me back to reality is that no matter what, I am still blessed. Blessed to be in a very great relationship with Tere who loves me very much, blessed to have a few and select friends who I can really trust, blessed to have a great family who is always there to support me. And at the very least I should be happy knowing that I may have spent so much sh*t for something, at least I had something to spend in the first place.
Its now 4:34 and I have to go get back and study. And hopefully I get to finish whatever this is that I started because after all, "I spent so much sh*t for this!"
*You don't need to know why this is the post's title. =)
